Between 1989 and 1991, I envisioned, designed, created, printed, assembled, and distributed 13 issues of a print magazine. The first six issues were titled “Singin’ Dose Anti-Psychotic Blues”, the final six issues were titled “Livin’ In A Powder Keg And Givin’ Off Sparks.” In-between, I published a special issue, “The Marc Lepine Memorial Scrapbook”, making a total of 13.
You can view nine of the 13 front covers of this unique and extremely rare reflection of the perfection that is Me, here:
Click on the small image, to enlarge it, then click on the full-screen image to enlarge it slightly more.
In this essay, I will be briefly reviewing the backstory and the exact process involved in the creation and distribution of these unique artifacts of My True Reality.
Those of you who read My texts know I am a prolific writer, and only approximately 10-15% of what I write, is ever posted or published in any public forum. My 3000 page handwritten autobiography, which will most likely never be viewed by the general public, details everything involved in My magazine publishing career, with at least 150 full, handwritten pages devoted to this issue alone.
This essay focuses only on a few, very specific details that I choose to share with you humans. Questions are not welcomed, and probably will not be answered, except as directly relates to the specific details I discuss. I choose to write and publish this essay, at this time, to honor and to strengthen My Living Legacy, and also to recreate within My own mind, the glory and perfection of My mind as it was 26-28 years ago.
This essay is written from memory, it does not involve any consultation with My autobiographical texts, or any previous, older, private writings on this topic.
The 1980’s were a time of tremendous mind expansion for Me, as I transitioned from tortured child rejecting and transcending his humanity, and solidifying many Forbidden Truths to core consciousness, to mature adult having successfully achieved the feat of human transcendence and reaching the very core depths of Forbidden Truth realization and embrace.
It was a time of feeding, compulsive and triumphant expansion of the Seer mind, via exposure to and integration with new and existing reality perceptions. This feeding involved exposure to a constant stream of new images, new words, new ideas, both tactile and cerebral.
My collection of deadly weapons exploded in volume and variety. My collection of audio tapes, videotapes, books, magazines, newspaper articles on every topic of mind trauma and sexual arousal focus, likewise exploded.
I filled every day, and devoted all of My precious time, to seeking out and enveloping My conscious mind within, an endless variety of new and different, constantly changing, uniquely stimulating artifacts that accurately reflected the infinite darkness overflowing within Me.
Death, torment, pain, suffering, rage, hate, terror, sadism, masochism, murder, torture, bondage, violence, females with corns and bunions and agonized feet and missing toes and amputated and deformed feet, satan, revenge, dismemberment, these are just a few of the topics that consumed (and of course still do) all levels of personal consciousness.
Every day I purchased 3-5 daily newspapers, consuming them cover to cover. Every day I haunted the library, trying to find what I needed, but thwarted by the universal censorship of The Matrix. Every day I looked for and purchased gun magazines and fashion magazines, hunting for new and deeper layers of rare and suppressed Truth.
And slowly, over time, thanks to tiny classified ads buried in materials only available via mail order, the dark layers of the underworld began to reveal themselves: Sadomasochistic magazines, foot fetish pornography, hard-core bondage, underground weaponry, and much more. I celebrated and immersed, digging deeper, soliciting and acquiring customized material to fit My glove-mind.
In 1984, amidst this dynamic Self-universe expansion, I discovered, through the mail, a tiny and obscure publication called “Factsheet Five”. It was conjured up by a man named Mike Gunderloy. It was an unpopular, underground magazine specifically devoted to reviewing and providing contact/purchase information, for other, even MORE unpopular and underground, magazines. Basically it consisted of thousands of very brief, single paragraph free reviews and listings, of completely unknown magazines, created via many different processes, that had a print run from 1 to 1000 copies.
I was immediately drawn in to this remarkable new resource, purchasing and subscribing to dozens of deeply underground publications from the very first issue of Factsheet Five, and faithfully scanning all new issues for any and all new publications.
These underground publications were and are called “zines”:
The correct pronunciation is apparently “zeen”, exactly shortened from “magazine”, but from the very beginning I have always rejected this pronunciation, in favor of “Ziiine”, with a long, drawn-out iii sound. “I was a ziiiine publisher…”, sounds so much better than “zeen”.
So, beginning late 1984 I became a prolific connoisseur of underground zines, thanks to Factsheet Five. I sought out the most radical and bizarre content, from the goriest horror fiction, to the most graphic bondage and torture drawings and photos, to the most hard-core anarchist material, to satanism, torture, true-crime, and more.
For about four years I grew My mind universe collection, expanding My True Reality by leaps and bounds. It was not until 1988 that I began to think of publishing my own zine. My interest was never and is never, to “communicate”. My interest from the very beginning was to express and reveal Truth, to commune with Myself, as I have always done, since early childhood. Creating a zine was simply part of the personal mind landscape that was and is inherently present in the creation of My Self-universe.
The title “Singin’ Dose Anti-Psychotic Blues”, came to Me while listening to enraged heavy metal music about rage, revenge, and murder, and recalling My months of psychiatric cage lock years earlier, for stabbing my father. One day I had overheard a female nurse telling one of the head shrinks, “Anti-psychotic medication should help….” Not in relation to Me, but a different prisoner. Her voice stayed within Me all those years, and I still think it is a great magazine title!
By the middle of 1988 I had decided to become an underground zine publisher, and spent several months deciding upon the logistical details. I already owned a Smith-Corona typewriter, but I purchased a special and unusual “printwheel” for it, that allowed Me to type slightly larger and bolder-looking text than the normal printwheel that came included with the typewriter. You can see this different sized and shaped text throughout all of My writings as published within all 13 issues.
I also purchased an extremely heavy-duty and large stapler that used thick and long staples and promised to allow for up to 100 sheets of paper to be stapled together. It was the “Bostitch Model B300HDS”, and I’m pleased to still own both the typewriter and this stapler, always bringing back good memories of the past.
From the beginning, I decided this magazine would not focus upon My own writing. It would contain very limited original writing from Me, and so it was.
Every issue contained a brief introduction and message of Truth from Me, on the inside front cover, but very little else insofar as original writing. Two exceptions I made to this rule, were the “How To Be a Successful Serial Killer” article I wrote, and the even more infamous “Handy Hints For Messier Massacres: A Guide To Maximizing The Mass Murder Kill Count”, article. You can read that article in full, here:
But let us be clear, I never tried to showcase My writing in any of these zines. They were artistic creations of My Self-universe, 98+% of the content was not originally created by Me, but, as you can see from the front covers link I provide above, consisted of beautifully and brilliantly collaged pages intended to startle, to provoke, to create an atmosphere of triumphant dread and menace.
So, how did it all get created? Read on…
For many years previously, beginning in My teens, I had been collecting and hoarding newspaper articles, magazine photos, copies of book passages, snippets of text that had grabbed My attention and focus. In 1988 I purchased 100 file folders, and began to organize and divide My immense collection. I labelled each folder, “serial killers”, “mass murder”, “satan”, “deformed female feet”, “amputated legs”, “bunions”, “gore fiction”, “guns”, “dead human bodies”, etc… 100 different subject titles, then I sorted out all existing content, every piece going into the most appropriate folder, as judged by Me.
Then, for the next several years, all new content curated, was immediately placed within the proper folder. After I started creating My zines, in 1989, I purchased 100 more file folders, gave them all the exact same names as the existing 100. Then, whenever I actually used an item within My zine, it was placed in the “new” file folder, to avoid using it again by accident.
Another major decision was how to attach the materials/content to the 8 1/2 + 11 inch heavy card stock paper I had decided to use as the foundation base for all pages. I considered many different glue options, but eventually decided to use good old Scotch brand “invisible” scotch tape. Unfortunately, it was not always completely invisible, depending upon the type of paper being taped to the heavy card stock base, tape marks were sometimes clearly visible on the finished product, as anyone who owns one of My zines can see. I used dozens of rolls of this tape, to construct every issue.
The creative process was always stream of consciousness and intuitive. Every page, really meaning every side of every page, since all pages were double-sided, has a general “theme”, be it graphic violence or religion or deformed feet, but material from different file folders was used on almost every page. Very rarely, was all material for a page taken from the same file folder.
Every issue was between 25 and 45 standard size, 8 1/2′ + 11′ inch pages long, which means 50 to 90 pages of content, since all pages were double sided. They were created via black and white xerox copying, although later issues featured a full color laser copy “centerfold”.
If you research color laser copying, you will find that this technology was brand new in the late 1980’s, and very expensive. I remember My first laser copies cost $1.50 for each page. A few months later they went down to .99 cents each, but that was still a killer, financially.
It still makes me chuckle when I remember the process of trying to get My base originals professionally copied. Yes, there were “self-service” copy machines around, but they were rare and their quality was not optimal. I wanted these copies made by a professional printing company, using a top-quality, high volume, xerox copy machine.
The first place I went, the lady just looked at my original, looked at Me, and said, “We don’t work with this kind of stuff”. Eventually I found a print/copy store located in a more “artistic” neighborhood, and they were willing to copy even the most gruesome pages. The first time I went there, I threw 10 $20 bills on the counter as soon as I walked in, then the clerk came over, I could see him looking at the money, then I took out My originals and said something like, “I need a lot of copies made, maybe a thousand or so, you think you can help me…?” He said Yes.
I remember they always asked me if I wanted to come back later, to pick them up, because it took at least 20 minutes, sometimes an hour or more, but I always told them I would wait, and I did. For the front and back covers, I paid extra for heavy card stock paper, and for the inside pages, especially later issues, I paid extra for 24 lb, “bright white” paper.
I “charged” $1.50 to $2.00 per issue, but many were given away free, in exchange for other zines, and for women’s high heeled shoes, among many other things. To produce each zine cost Me, easily, $3.00+, NOT including postage, so I lost hundreds of dollars on every issue. But of course there was no financial motivation behind any aspect of what I was doing.
Each issue had a print run between 150 and 400 copies. Issue #1 had a 150 copy run, so only 150 copies were ever created/distributed. The last issues had a 400 copy run. I also designed and printed stickers and cloth patches. The cloth patch was of very high quality. I used it for My Ideapod avatar.
So, I would carry home large cardboard boxes filled with thousands of xerox copies, day after day, and then, finally, came one of My favorite parts of the process, the actual assembly/creation of the magazine.
The pages were not numbered, so it was only after all the copies were made, that I began the deliberative process of deciding upon the page order. Only the front and back covers were, of course, determined in advance. Once this decision was made, I would begin the “pilings”. 25-45 different piles, of 150-400 copies, spread out on the floor, arranged via My chosen page order. Then I would go from pile to pile, take one page from each pile, back to front. Once I had the 25-45 pages in hand, I would go to My desk, very carefully shuffle the pages to try to get them perfectly lined up as a bound book would be, then I would very carefully staple the pages together. Of course there was never an absolutely perfect end result, but I took great pride in attempting to achieve perfection, and every tiny misalignment only serves to honor Me and My unique effort.
Then, repeat, 150-400 times. 🙂
This assembly process alone took 30+ hours of work, for the later, 400 copy runs.
I would estimate, from start to finish, I spent 400-500 hours working on each issue. Remember, every single page took 6+ hours, sometimes 10 hours, of deliberation and assembly. As these issues were published 2 months apart, you can see how much of My time during the 1989-1991 time period, was devoted to this endeavor.
This is how all human existence should always be. Obsessions of mind, Self-chosen, Self-directed, devoted to a task that gratifies and feeds and nourishes and expands and glorifies the Self-universe. A unique path, uniquely chosen, uniquely realized, everything done for Self-benefit.
I will always look back with limitless and unconditional love and pride, and profound admiration for everything I have chosen to do and to manifest, as a Self-universe. And this endeavor, approximately 2 1/2 years of fervent devotion to the external projection of My internal universe, holds a beloved and unmatched place within the core consciousness that is Me.
All Text is Copyright © 2014-2064 The Seer of Forbidden Truth. All Rights Reserved.